Holiday Trees and why Home Depot isn’t as smart as the Grinch
I’m incensed. I’m all for marketing and capitalism. I remember once long ago when some tobacco company was going to introduce some new cigarettes. They were going to be marketed to lower-income female buyers. Kind of like the Jaclyn Smith Collection at KMart. This is a valid market segment. Anyway, people were up in arms that big bad tobacco was targeting people who didn’t know any better. I was with a girlfriend and we were getting ready to walk into a store (actually, it might have been KMart!) when this female TV reporter shoves a microphone in our faces and wants to know what we think about big tobacco preying on ignorant women who live in trailer parks. Talk about ‘leading the interview’- anyway, the girlfriend gets Girl Power Righteous ™ about how women shouldn’t be targeted like that and picking on the poor, etc. ad naseum. I waited patiently, and when it was my turn, I said I didn’t see any problem at all. That’s marketing- picking out a market segment and tailoring advertising to them- that’s what *all* marketing is, and this group was no different than any other. And, by the way, I find it very elitist that you’re talking down about people who live in trailer parks or who don’t have high incomes. Guess who made it on the TV news that night. No, we write these articles because of the wrong things that happen- of course I wasn’t on TV. My girlfriend was there in her indignant glory ranting about the evils of corporations.
Fast forward to today. I keep getting spammed by Home Depot. I’ve tried to get off their mailing list after being beaten in the head with the futility of trying to get one of their ‘deals’ they advertise. I subscribe to deal websites and know when these are going to come up- and dutifully, I try to get a cordless drill or power washer or.. whatever. The fact is that online nationwide they only have like 10 items- when they sell out they helpfully remind you to “check in-store”- they want you to camp outside the store and go in at 5am or whatever to scramble for the 10 that are in the store. When you lose out to people who camped six hours before you did, you’re supposed to buy some other hyped piece of equipment so you don’t feel like your time was wasted- meanwhile spending more than you should have on something you didn’t want. After two subsequent years of this (do you think I’m a big dummy, of course I didn’t go into the store, I just tried to buy the stuff online), I was done. I dutifully clicked “unsubscribe” which instead of unsubscribing me, led me to a marketing preferences page. Tards. So I fill out my email address and whatever options were for “Die you bait-and-switch jackals”. And I fill it out again two days later. And I ignore the spam email that comes out two days after that.
But then, I start reading the ads. Only a few days left until “Holiday Shopping is done”. Is there a time limit on when you buy stuff for Columbus Day? Oh! Look here! Holiday Pine Tree. On what kind of holiday do you have a pre-lit pine tree? There are so many to choose from! My favorite would be Flag Day Tree. Sweetie, come look! Holiday Ornaments! I’ve been dying to finally get that little decorative Constitution for Bill of Rights Day (which is December 15th, you know). And holiday lights! Oh, yes, we must get into the Spirit of the Season of National Bird Day and put up lights in our windows so we can trick those pea-brained flying snakes into smashing themselves into them- feeding feral cats everywhere!
Or is it something else perhaps… could they be talking about… (OMG, hide the kids, Dippy is going to offend everyone for miles!)… I’m not sure if I can say it…. this website could be blocked by even more people…. Christmas?! That traditional Christian Holiday where people celebrate the birth of the son of their god (that was a mouthful.. how about ‘Christ’- yeah- people know who I’m talking about). That same holiday where people put up Christmas trees, decorate them with Christmas Ornaments and Christmas Lights. I’m sure many of you are gasping in horror that I’ve said “Christmas” four times.. damn- five times! But, the fact is that as part of Christmas (give up counting, no telling how many more times I’ll end up typing it- you can be sure even once will be more than a 10-page Home Depot ad), people buy gifts to give to other people. It is a happy time, celebrating a birthday during a relatively dreary time of year. Even athiests (a generally bitter bunch) buy Christmas trees- and call them such- because it is such a tradition. Let’s think about this- is anyone who is going to buy a Christmas tree… not going to buy it because it says “Christmas” on the box? No way.
What kind of brain-dead-bitter-politically-correct to the point of being inane-company is going to label Christmas products as “holiday”? Well, Home Depot for one. How jaded do you have to be to try to suck up to customers with pretty Christmas ads and promotions and abstain from offending some Buddhist (is it possible to offend a Buddhist?)? Don’t try to say “Holiday” stands for Kwanzaa (a holiday invented in the 60s by a grad student) or Chanukah as well as Christmas. In the case of Jewish holidays- Chanukah is a minor one- while Christmas is a major Christian holiday.
Is Home Depot the only one? Hell no. It is everywhere- but they shat on my cornflakes when I end up with their spam in my inbox every other morning. I finally called up customer support and waited patiently for asking why I wanted to be removed from their marketing list. It took some scrubbing to get the spittle off my monitor, but echoes later heard around the house were faintly similar to “godless heathens pushing kwanzaa bushes”. “Don’t use religion to try to sell items- and not acknowledge the religion.” After the requisite “anything else I can help you with?”, I asked that my feelings about their generic appropriation of Christmas be forwarded on to management (or the department which receives complaints from raving lunatics). Being ever polite and sensitive, I requested that the person have a “holiday”- not knowing if I should say “good holiday” because what if their holiday was “witches are gonna git me day“, because that might hex them. Another store at which I shop is LeisurePro. They’re Jewish. They don’t make any apologies for it. I had no problem shopping them because they freely admit their religion might not be mine, and they’re going to have a sale for Christmas anyway. At least they’re honest about it- and don’t try to push Christmas items. Is that the case with Home Depot? I doubt it. On the other side is Sierra Trading Post, a great place to get outdoor gear- and they’ve festooned their website with not only Christmas symbology, but Biblical quotes as well. My Zoroastrian friends (yes, I really do know a Zoroastrian) don’t have any problems shopping there. I want to commend Sears- I was in the store recently and it was beautifully decorated- I almost got pissed because there was a hanging sign that said “Happy Holidays”… but the one right behind it was “Merry Christmas!”. Good for you, Sears. And good for any store that is at least honest about what they’re trying to capitalize on. It is marketing in its best sense- as earlier- finding a target group and selling to them. In the case of Christians- and traditionalists who celebrate Christmas- that’s a big market.
I’m sure there are some wacky fringe groups who want to banish any kind of religious symbolism- and while that works for the government (we at Dippy central are steadfast believers in the separation of Church and State), it is just stupid for companies to appease them- at the expense of their customer base. The reason being that we’ve gone from “Over-commercialism of Christmas” to “Steadfast refusal to acknowledge Chri…Holiday“. I see the end result being a gradual decline of shopping for Christmas. I have to admit I’m getting weary of it myself. We’re being lax on our “Holiday Decorating(tm)” and have toned down our Christmas shopping…because, perhaps without a Christmas Sale… it no longer “Feels like Christmas”.
I’m going to keep an updated list of good boys and girls, and those which deserve coal (the acid test is if they send me email, and whether or not they try to latch onto Christmas without mentioning it)
Good:
- Sears
- Divers Direct (awesome scuba prices and people)
- Butterfly Photo (digital package prices are nice)
- Sierra Trading Post (outdoor gear- best prices)
- NewEgg (technology- the best store)
- KMart
Bad:
- Home Depot
- I Robot (Roomba)
- Office Depot